Get The Love You Want: Success Strategies For Intimate Relationships Learn To Please The Only Person Who Really Matters They tell me how it has changed their lives, and most express the sentiment that they wish they had found it sooner.ĭr. Barnes & Noble and Running Press published it in 2003, and it has since been translated into several languages and sold thousands of copies.ĭaily, I receive emails from men and women all over the world thanking me for No More Mr. Well, I never made it on Oprah, but I did write the book. We met every other week, and I began writing “chapters” to give them about what I was discovering about the “Nice Guy Syndrome.” As I wrote these chapters, I kept receiving the constant feedback from these men and their partners, “You should write a book, and you should go on Oprah.” In the early 90’s I started my first “No More Mr. I came to realize that I wasn’t the only man thinking that if I was just nice, people would like me, they would meet my needs without me having to ask, and I would have a smooth, problem-free life. Over time I came to see, that like me, the road map of these passively pleasing men unconsciously influenced every area of their lives. You’ll make some lucky woman very happy some day.” Only to hear something like, “You’re such a great guy. They patiently waited, hoping the women they desired would quit lamenting over “jerks” and wake up to see what great men they were. These guys helped out and listened to women talk about their problems. The guys who either couldn’t get a date or who were deeply entrenched in the friend zone with the women they desired. I wasn’t always so nice.Īs I was making these discoveries about myself, I noticed that married men I worked with in my practice as a marriage therapist were making the same kind of statements about their partners that I had been making about mine: Within a short amount of time, I came to see that the problem was ME. Honestly, my initial goal was to find out why the people around me weren’t responding so well to my Nice Guy philosophy, and I wanted to find out how to get them to change. I joined a men’s group and started working with a therapist. I decided to start working on my situation. If you talked to the people closest to me, I wasn’t so nice. I was frustrated, resentful, and confused. While in my early 30’s, in spite of my unwavering faith in this philosophy, my life was in crises. I couldn’t understand why everyone didn’t have a similar personal mantra. I wanted to treat people well, and I wanted to be liked. I was proud to make that statement about myself through much of my early adult life.
I’m one of the nicest guys you will ever meet.”
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